CJ, Doctor Bignose, Jimbo
Naturally, he is endowed with the biggest hooter among the Crets. We've even taken to calling his wife "Mrs Bignose" and their children "Smallnose" and "Tinynose". For many years Jimbo was known as Whinging Cret, fortunately, he's pretty much grown out of it now.
Bignose is one of the original Crets and has attended almost all the Crets holidays despite living in Holland then Japan. He makes a point of seeking out the loudest and most tasteless shirts anywhere on the planet and wearing them when everyone's feeling distinctly hungover.
Jimbo managed to get the tax payer to subsidise him for a whole six years at Warwick, after which he received a PhD. We suspect his doctorate was only awarded because the chemistry department couldn't take any more whinging.
In 2003 Mrs Bignose was the first woman to attend a crets holiday. We even waived the "Team Bike" rule after she demonstrated highly developed skills in the key areas of Cret behaviour, drinking, farting, belching and coarse conversation.
Rumour has it that Bignose is moving to Alientown, Pennsylvania, this summer to climb a little further up the corporate ladder. Shame it's the second most boring place on the planet! Maybe he can interest them in an exciting game of Diplomacy!
Jimbo started off on the right foot. Well actually it was his right hip, which he dislocated during a particularly lively Prog Rock disco. Sadly, that didn't cure him and by the second year he was into Marillion as well as Rainbow and Whitesnake.
Bignose’s driving is legendary among the Crets. One rainy holiday he drove over a humpbacked bridge at high speed only to discover a sharp left turn on the other side, resulting in a very interesting (from the following car) slide across the road. On another occasion after a particularly scary drive along some bumpy roads in Ireland his passengers suggested that maybe he should slow down a little. The next 2 miles were driven at an exceptionally safe 10mph.
He is also justly renowned for his ability to kick the s**t out of pinball machines after scoring the absolute minimum number of points to avoid a replay. This doesn’t harm the steel clad pinball machine but keeps the rest of us amused.
Oh – and there’s a joke too. If James walked into his bedroom door when he had an erection what would happen?? ... He’d bruise his nose!